As if I have nothing else that I really should be doing with my time, here I am posting yet another entry. Today, it's more for the therapeutic value of writing... getting what's in my head out and recorded so that I don't feel so drained by the various goods and bads that seem to accompany life.
A phone call from an addict this morning was returned when I finally got out of bed and started moving around. It's always difficult for me to hear that I've got a friend out in the world struggling with one of those curveballs reality seems to throw in your direction when you least expect it. I just want to go down as saying that marriage is not for everyone. My grand-sponsor Jody, the mother of us all, says that marriage is never 50-50, it's usually 80-20 or 90-10. Sometimes you're the 90, sometimes you're the 10. Of course, I don't have much experience with marriage or divorce to draw from. Everything I know about marriage I've learned from my parents. Everything I know about divorce, I've learned from everyone else. Maybe it's best that gay people can't legally tie the knot. It seems like there's so much pressure associated with signing your name to a license or a piece of paper that if the relationship dissolves it may feel like the end of the world.
...what am I saying? That's really crazy. First of all, we're entitled to the exact same rights as anyone. Secondly, saying something like that totally negates the profound effect that the end of an affair can have on a person, whether they are legally bound or not. An end of a relationship is like the end of something profound. It hurts no matter what side you're on.
Also, it was brought to my attention last night that I seem to have come across as aloof and unavailable to a couple members of Narcotics Anonymous.... I would never in a million years intentionally try to come across as deliberately ignoring someone or trying to avoid anybody. Furthermore, just because I don't mention a name or a relationship when I talk in a meeting, that doesn't mean that someone hasn't had a profound impact on my life. I am a very assertive person, and I can assure anyone in the world that if I have a problem with you, I will let you know about it. There will be no time for you to wonder about my attitude. If you feel as if I have ignored you, it probably has nothing to do with you at all. It's more likely that there are three to four million things going through my head at any given time, all things I'm thinking I really need to get to as soon as I'm finished with the task at hand.
Now that I've gotten all that off my chest.... school work is calling.
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