Giada is Porn for Food Lovers

I'm sitting in the den, on the green couch, watching Giada at Home and thinking yet again that her shows are filmed like porn for people who really love food. Seriously, she's always dressed in trendy, cleavage-revealing shirts, smiling (slightly demonically), and making sexy eyes at the audience when she breaks the wall and talks directly to her viewers. Still, I think she's the type of chick that would be a lot of fun to have dinner with and probably even more fun to have as a guest at a party. However, I'd be very worried about anything I served. What would her critique be? And would she be able to enjoy herself without silently judging my food?

I'm thinking about submitting myself for a reality show, but which one? I don't want to have to eat bugs or live by my wits under the beating, hot sun of an island. I don't really have any great skills that I could compete with other than Algebra, completing a nursing assessment, or writing a really great psychiatric treatment plan. There are no shows that allow you to write 2,000-word essays each week to compete for a job as a professional writer, and if there were, I don't think it would have very many viewers other than those who love to read and write. Furthermore, most people who follow reality shows probably don't do much of either.

I'm not talented enough for home improvement to go on Design Star, and I don't have the culinary capabilities to be the Next Food Network Star. If only I could market my skills as a single guy throwing together ingredients on a shoestring budget and packing the fridge with enough bowls and tupperware to feed myself for a week. I think there may be a Food Network market for the idea, but it's just the idea of having to compete with those who have been to chef schools and studied in Paris or New York as sous chefs at five star restaurants and hotels.

I guess I'll just stick with school and writing on the side. I still want to write a bi-weekly article/serial newsletter in the style of Armistead Maupin, but set in Shreveport and filled with innuendo and double entendre to keep readers reading and to eventually turn the stories into a novel. I guess I'll need to wait another two years before I will be able to write more frequently. After all, Dad always said that I could write, but I needed to be sure I'd have something profitable to fall back on.