I haven't asked for anything, no special requests this year. Probably because I spent so much time this past semester hoping and praying and wanting everything to turn out very well with classes and grades... especially Microbiology. I just wanted to do well in school, despite the misgivings that continue to pop up...
Am I really going in the direction that I want to pursue?
Is medicine really right for me?
Will I be happy and successful as a nurse?
My father's voice always erupts from the back of my mind... have something to fall back on.
The truth is, I would really be happiest if I were able to sustain myself as a writer, publishing short stories and articles and working on a book, the book, some books, compiling all the stories I've got wrapped around inside my head on paper and sending them out for publication and reading by the general public.
So far, I've read three books since the holiday began, spent as much time as possible reading and writing and thinking and resting and planning and wondering how difficult the next two years will be while I finish school then find a job practicing what I've learned in a position that allows enough free time to do what I really love.
Every time I find myself in the wonderful world I love, the world of fiction, my wants and desires return and I remember how much I love the craft, how much I would give to be able to do only this: read, write, create, live happily in the universes I fathom. My creative juices are flowing once again, I forget how furtively they can erupt.
My only Christmas wish is to have my happiness endure, and to see happiness endure in the lives of those in my non-fiction world.
24 December 2009
22 December 2009
The Break So Far
It isn't beginning to feel much like Christmas this year.
I suppose I should be happy and content. The semester is complete. Despite my score in Microbiology, I still left 2009 with a very high GPA for the semester and a very high GPA overall. I managed to leave my last final exam and have a position with a health foods department in a store in less than an hour. Everyone I know is in good health and in good spirits, but there are no decorations gracing the walls of my house, and I don't feel as if much has come to bring Christmas and holiday cheer into my heart.
Not every holiday can really be feeled with the warmth and hope that so many were in my youth, I suppose. I guess the image of December changes a bit with time. Things can't always re-occur with the same zest with which I remember. Maybe tomorrow will bring more. Maybe tomorrow I'll feel more like I think I should at Christmas.
I suppose I should be happy and content. The semester is complete. Despite my score in Microbiology, I still left 2009 with a very high GPA for the semester and a very high GPA overall. I managed to leave my last final exam and have a position with a health foods department in a store in less than an hour. Everyone I know is in good health and in good spirits, but there are no decorations gracing the walls of my house, and I don't feel as if much has come to bring Christmas and holiday cheer into my heart.
Not every holiday can really be feeled with the warmth and hope that so many were in my youth, I suppose. I guess the image of December changes a bit with time. Things can't always re-occur with the same zest with which I remember. Maybe tomorrow will bring more. Maybe tomorrow I'll feel more like I think I should at Christmas.
17 December 2009
On Writing, On Cleaning, On Resting, On Cooking...
"It is a truth universally acknowledged that a zombie in possession of brains must be in want of more brains. Never was this truth more plain than during the recent attacks at Netherfield Park, in which a household of eighteen was slaughtered and consumed by a horde of the living dead." -- Jane Austen & Seth Grahame-Smith,
Pride and Prejudice and Zombies
I don't suppose I could think of a better way of having officially begun an extended vacation from lectures and power points and recopying notes and exams and minimal minutes of personal time than with a great classic suddenly riddled with attacks of flesh-eating zombies. Except maybe some of the other books that I've selected for reading over the scholastic break.
It's funny. I completed my last final in Human Anatomy and had a new position at Vitamins Plus within hours. Suddenly, I'm able to begin putting my newfound nutritional knowledge into practical application, and the time was only minutes after departing campus and enrolling in the long, much anticipated semester conclusion. It's another new and exciting chapter in my life, I suppose. One that will work very well with the approaching spring semester and the other job I'm currently holding as a student worker when classes are in session. I'd barely had time to think or contemplate the ideas of where and when and how I might possibly find a suitable position before I saw the posting for a position and had an application turned in. I suppose that I was ready and the time was right... the stars were appropriately alligned.
I begin indoctrinating myself to the world of organic foods and supplements and better health on Saturday morning, and I'm excited to be able to glean all this new knowledge and experience. Almost as excited as I am at spending this time working on my step (the last one I completed and reviewed with Mariann was in August). Almost as excited as I am at the anticipation of having my movie-viewing buddy, Jeremy, over on Saturday nights to watch more buckets of Bava and an array of Argento...hopefully a symposium in which we can begin to discover new directors and production styles and gather more ideas for working on a screenplay together. Almost as excited as I am at the reading list that includes Wilkie Collins, Thomas Tryon, Tom Robbins, Joyce Carol Oates, Tom Wolfe, and John D. MacDonald. Almost as excited as I am at my family arriving so that we can spend an evening consuming my cousin's haute Louisiana-style cuisine and wrapping presents and setting up a tree and decorating and sending out Christmas cards and sending out notes and letters to all my friends and family to let them know how the semester has run its course.
Without further adieu, I suppose I should get started.
Pride and Prejudice and Zombies
I don't suppose I could think of a better way of having officially begun an extended vacation from lectures and power points and recopying notes and exams and minimal minutes of personal time than with a great classic suddenly riddled with attacks of flesh-eating zombies. Except maybe some of the other books that I've selected for reading over the scholastic break.
It's funny. I completed my last final in Human Anatomy and had a new position at Vitamins Plus within hours. Suddenly, I'm able to begin putting my newfound nutritional knowledge into practical application, and the time was only minutes after departing campus and enrolling in the long, much anticipated semester conclusion. It's another new and exciting chapter in my life, I suppose. One that will work very well with the approaching spring semester and the other job I'm currently holding as a student worker when classes are in session. I'd barely had time to think or contemplate the ideas of where and when and how I might possibly find a suitable position before I saw the posting for a position and had an application turned in. I suppose that I was ready and the time was right... the stars were appropriately alligned.
I begin indoctrinating myself to the world of organic foods and supplements and better health on Saturday morning, and I'm excited to be able to glean all this new knowledge and experience. Almost as excited as I am at spending this time working on my step (the last one I completed and reviewed with Mariann was in August). Almost as excited as I am at the anticipation of having my movie-viewing buddy, Jeremy, over on Saturday nights to watch more buckets of Bava and an array of Argento...hopefully a symposium in which we can begin to discover new directors and production styles and gather more ideas for working on a screenplay together. Almost as excited as I am at the reading list that includes Wilkie Collins, Thomas Tryon, Tom Robbins, Joyce Carol Oates, Tom Wolfe, and John D. MacDonald. Almost as excited as I am at my family arriving so that we can spend an evening consuming my cousin's haute Louisiana-style cuisine and wrapping presents and setting up a tree and decorating and sending out Christmas cards and sending out notes and letters to all my friends and family to let them know how the semester has run its course.
Without further adieu, I suppose I should get started.
10 December 2009
Motivations
Nothing in weeks. Nothing since recopying notes and formulating note cards and reading and highlighting chapters all took over my life and suddenly became so imperative and necessary and detrimental to having a flow of my creative juices.
Another final down. Two more to go.
I wish I felt more confident. I wish I felt less scattered and undisciplined and more at ease with things today, but I really don't. Once this is over, I have a series of essays to compile to send for a collection of scholarships for which I'm applying. I just hope to have some original thought, some new creative bug infect my mind and find its symptoms at the pace of my whispering fingertips along and around and over and into this small keyboard.
Sleep. Maybe more tomorrow. Unless the impact of Micro and Anatomy prep overtakes my obsession-oriented mind.
Another final down. Two more to go.
I wish I felt more confident. I wish I felt less scattered and undisciplined and more at ease with things today, but I really don't. Once this is over, I have a series of essays to compile to send for a collection of scholarships for which I'm applying. I just hope to have some original thought, some new creative bug infect my mind and find its symptoms at the pace of my whispering fingertips along and around and over and into this small keyboard.
Sleep. Maybe more tomorrow. Unless the impact of Micro and Anatomy prep overtakes my obsession-oriented mind.
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