The first step is admitting there's a problem

Days in Yakima: 237 too many.

Currently reading: Lots of things I can't concentrate on finishing.

Level of happiness: Inordinately low.

Highlights from the day: Making a decision to get out of here as soon as possible.

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I've given it all the shot I care to give it, and I no longer care to be here. I don't necessarily want to go home. But I definitely want to be anywhere but here.

Yakima sucks.

Highs and lows and middles of the road

Days in Yakima: 235

Currently reading: No progress on Weird Washington last night, but I read a bit more in Carrie Fisher's The Princess Diarist. I downloaded a few other titles. Maybe I'll get to them.

Level of happiness: Less content than I felt last night. Less than happy, to be honest.

Highlights from the day: If this were rehab and this was the time for highs and lows, I'd say most of the day was a low. I guess the high would've been the meeting and talking to my sponsor after.

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What would you do if you knew your time was up? 

If you knew you would be dead within the year? Maybe tomorrow. Maybe September 5, 2018. But definitely within the year. 

Live life differently? Travel? Finally write the book? Quit your job? Go back to Paris? Spend the winter in London? Get to Egypt to see the Pyramids? Take a yacht to Fiji? Get your affairs in order?

Me?

I'd probably spend all the time I could with everyone I love. I'd make all the necessary apologies and see everyone I possibly could.

Probably fall in love. Maybe make plans to get married.

For whatever reason, tonight I'm thinking about everything that matters in life. Everything that REALLY matters. 

I don't know why I'm writing about this tonight, especially because I'm not ready to talk about my reasons for writing about this tonight.

Not yet.

Not now, at least. 

For now, I just kinda want to eat and detach and not be lost in my thoughts. 

Especially when there's a lot that I really can't do much about.

Nothing much tonight

Days in Yakima: 234

Currently reading: Finished Frankenstein. Still reading Weird Washington. Thinking about a non-horror book as well. I don't want to shoot my wad all at once and be fully over the horror genre before October its.

Level of happiness: I'm not unhappy. But I miss home. I miss my mom. I'm looking forward to experiencing an autumn in the Pacific Northwest, but I'm over this smoke from all the fires and I wish I were looking forward to a long Thanksgiving with my mom.

Highlights from the day: Sleeping late. Attending a noon meeting. Working on a little more of my step. Eating an early dinner. Finishing Frankenstein. Considering what I'm moving onto next.

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Seems like the real drive to get and be creative (and to really get in there and write) always comes on the tail-end of my weekend. I'm considering getting up early in the morning and doing all this in reverse order, but we'll see what happens.

Blah, blah, blah

Days in Yakima: 233

Currently reading: Mostly Mary Shelley's Frankenstein, but a little Weird Washington mixed in.

Level of happiness: Happily content with the day.

Highlights from the day: Working on my step with Brennan at North Town Coffee. On the phone with my sponsor. A long conversation with Melinda. Conchita's voice message. And now, relaxing on the couch and maybe writing a little.

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A little step work is all the rejuvenation I need. And probably at just the right time because even I think these blog posts have gotten increasingly boring. No personality and not really much creativity. Formulaic and sour.

My head's filling up with ideas for stories I want to write. The creative fiction sort, not the ones that suck me dry at work. The only creativity I get to exert at work is after I've been otherwise sucked dry by the time-consuming slave labor that comes along with stroking egos and spending way too much time filling in the blanks. A little resentful? Maybe just a little, but the resentment was earned on this one. Justifiable resentments, in other words. But are those even things? These are the things my sponsor will make me pray about.

I didn't watch a movie last night, and I was prepared to fully focus my blog on horror movies for a while. For whatever reason, though, at the end of the day when I sit down to type out another post, I don't feel the creative juices really flowing. Oh, I've got all sorts of ideas and all these thoughts about what I'd like to do here, but the energy level is nil (a little less than zero, actually).

I keep hoping that if I stick with daily posting, writing something away from the crap I'm told to, the energy soon will come and I'll start pounding out some stuff that's really meaningful. It just hasn't happened yet.

So, what am I thinking about? That Timothy Hutton — from Ordinary People all the way to the fairly recent past — is a really sexy guy and probably would be a lot of fun to make out with. I mean, I'm watching The Dark Half (which doesn't count towards the movie endeavor because I've already seen it a time or two and I've blogged about it before), so he's right there for me to look at and have these sort of random thoughts about.

I deleted my Grindr, so maybe I need to download it again. It could be that these odd and slightly out of context thoughts are because none of my sexual energy is really channeled anywhere lately. Or it could be that I ought to re-channel that energy into my creative writing. But then again, there's that whole energy level thing.

Well, it's nearly 9:30 p.m. Labor Day and I haven't spent all that much time laboring today, unless one counts working through quite a bit on my step and having something of a breakthrough that had me calling my sponsor — that's something that hasn't happened in a long time.

Maybe I'll eat and stay up late and read Frankenstein and watch movies. Maybe I'll open a blank document here and get something actually typed out that I'll feel good about. That's something that hasn't happened in a long time either.

Reading, watching Twin Peaks and stuff

Days in Yakima: 232

Currently reading: Another graphic novel under my belt last night. Through the Woods by Emily Carroll. Pretty good, but when it comes to measuring up to my gold standard for graphic novels, Fun Home, and blending in elements of horror and suspense, it's got to be pretty remarkable. Moving onto Frankenstein. I never actually finished it in high school, and I've never actually seen the movie either (of the monsters, it's always been my least favorite; however, I liked what I saw in the first episode of Penny Dreadful, so I'm giving it a go). I also have a copy of Weird Washington, and I'm ready to get into it.

Level of happiness: Better than a C+, but not great. I spent most of the day on my couch, which is always a good time when it happens.

Highlights from the day: Finishing Twin Peaks, spending time with Mary Louise and planning out what I'm not going to do tomorrow. Oh, and I heard from a couple of readers who praised my work. That's always a nice stroke to the ego.

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Now's about the time I need to start watching and reviewing a movie every day. It's not like I don't have five different apps with titles to choose from.

Wishing I had plans to attend a barbecue tomorrow. Also wish I hadn't made plans with anyone for anything. The idea of another day on the couch is really appealing.

Possible movies for tonight (in looking at Hulu): Ravenwolf Towers, Hallow's Eve, At the Devil's Door, The Boy, Why Horror?, The Gift, Late Night Double Feature, The Roost, Sleepy Hollow, Vampires, The Haunting in Connecticut, Boogeyman, Fear of the Dark, Dark Summer, Inner Demons, The Pact and The Levenger Tapes.

Every one is a title I haven't seen.

Battery's low. Gotta post and charge.

Saturday night in Yakima

Days in Yakima: 231

Currently reading: After finishing Fiend last night, I tore through Neil Gaiman's Forbideen Brides of the Faceless Slaves in the Secret House of the Night of Dread Desire. I still have All the President's Men, The Princess Diarist and Voice of the Heart waiting, but I'm sticking with my horror kick for a bit. I have healthy stack of classic Gothic stories, some graphic novels in hardback and the next tome in my Stephen King endeavor, The Tommyknockers. There's a nice, long weekend ahead of me. I plan to enjoy it as much as possible, but I've also got the assigned reading (and writing) from my new sponsor, so there's that.

Level of happiness: A little hard to register today. For now, I'm really just tired. I'm thinking I'll be in bed very soon after I post this.

Highlights from the day: Finishing work. Mostly because the times I'm moved by the writing I do there are few and far between these days.

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Well, the marketing is done.

And the blanket's over the window to blot out the hot sun first thing in the morning.

I've got the stacks of books and virtually no responsibilities (and very little I've obligated myself to) for the long, Labor Day weekend ahead.

If only I could get rid of all this sneezing and the swelling my face is doing. 

I blame this excessive smoke hanging over the Yakima Valley and not promising to get away any time soon. I think all I really need is a good night's sleep.

A C+ of a day

Days in Yakima: 230

Currently reading: Finished Peter Stenson's Fiend, and now I want to compile a full blog post about it, but that will likely come later. Just a Goodreads review for now. I also have the other titles I haven't yet finished, and there's a new stack from Yakima Valley Libraries that's piled on one of my end tables. Since I'm at the start of a horror streak — and September 1 begins the season of reading such material — it seems likely that most of my next selections will be from the supernatural realm. I've kind of got a yen to plow through some of those classics, the foundations of horror as the fall sets in.

Level of happiness: No more than a C+ today. Not great. Not terrible. Mostly unremarkable.

Highlights from the day: Getting to leave work a little early. Talking to Ms. Sarah Erickson about gratitude meditation. Laughing with her. Venting to Ryan A. after the meeting. Then to Brennan. Finishing Fiend. Eating a late supper. Finding a horror movie to watch before bed. Preparing to go through this stack of books from the library. Thinking about the coming 3-day weekend.

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Nothing more substantial to write tonight. But at least I managed to get a post in for the first day of September.

The plan is to spend the next 58 days on Dracula and Frankenstein, H.P. Lovecraft and Stephen King, all those 80s horror flicks I never got around to renting during my youth and all the new stuff that'll be hitting theaters in the coming weeks.

Let's see if I stick to it.