I feel better today than I did yesterday, when I was contemplating whether or not I am truly suffering from the pinched nerve/muscle sprain combination. The only comparable feeling was that which preceded two emergency room stints wherein the same doctor, more than one year apart, stuck a very long, hollow needle into my spine in order to drain a little fluid and test it for the presence of infection. Both times, the fluid yielded a positive result and I was hospitalized for spinal meningitis. Thankfully, I haven't had any of the co-identifying gastrointestinal issues nor have I been running the fever that accompanied the virus, but man-oh-man did my neck feel the same way it did those other two times. I'm a medical freak, getting sick with something like that twice in my life. I hope that I never have to face something like that ever again.
Yesterday was a hectic day. Just as I set out to run the final preliminary errands for my trip, my grandmother called and requested that I come to her apartment as her heart rate was significantly elevated and had been for several hours. Mom was with her cardiologist having a stress test (the results came back with excellent news - she has a healthy heart, but may actually have diabetes, something for which she must now be checked), my Aunt Didi was at her house in Bossier, having just been released from the hospital due to the exacerbated platelet issue that she has been suffering from for quite some time, my cousin Kathy just returned to Baltimore from her short visit home, my cousin Jason is himself recovering from a very similar but far more invasive spinal surgery of his own, and my cousin Kevin is also suffering from a litany of unusual medical ailments (Mom's convinced that it's radiation fallout from the nuclear disaster in Japan; I suppose that could be as likely a cause as any other as it is strangely something that our media really never paid close attention to, something that could very well raise alarm as it could be something being downplayed in an effort to prevent a sense of fear from erupting). In other words, there was no one else available to go sit with Mimi, and she is always far more receptive to my company and advice due to the profession I was seeking and have accumulated just enough knowledge about to either be extremely helpful or extremely dangerous. Despite the fact that I could pivot my head atop my neck, I went to sit with her, and it was subsequently deecided that the best option was to bring her to my house where she could safely recuperate and find some solice in adhering and adjusting to her medication regimen for the heart condition she has.
I didn't accomplish nearly as much as I needed, but I called into work after having permission to do so professionally and then attained the best night's (or day's) sleep I've had in weeks. I needed a long, solid rest, and I feel somewhat rejuvenated, but not entirely out of the woods this morning. I'm hoping to have my appointment, pick up a cheap pair of shades, run pay the water bill, and then have a lunch (or at least some decent, uninterrupted time) with Tyler, who has been under the same dark cloud that's been raining over my head for far too long now. I wish that I had all the answers for everybody. I wish that I had tons of money and a big house. I'd probably move everybody in with me so that I could take better care of them, but none of that is truly realistic. Furthermore, to a degree, I probably ought to stop caretaking as much as I have been lately. Sometimes, it's much better to simply say, "I don't know" or "I'm sorry, but I can't." I have to remember that "No" is not just a word, but a complete sentence. Explanations and apologies aren't really necessary. If I don't start taking care of and worrying about myself, then I'm gonna work myself into my own hospital stay, and then where will I be? Stuck and worried about everything else that I need to be worrying about, of course.
I stripped my bed this morning to wash everything, and I'm in the process of accumulating small stacks of everything that I'm planning to bring along on the trip. The idea is to have only one bag, the blankets and pillows, and the stack of games for us to play in case of rain (and to play every night after we've devoured copious amounts of junk food and other beach blanket bites).
I'm excited. I'll get to rise and run straight out to the sand with a blanket, a towel, and a stack of paperback pulp a la Agatha Christie and Christopher Pike (still debating on the other fluff that I think the beach would be the perfect place to read). I'll get to work on increasing the pigment of the pasty white complexion that I've dishonorably harbored for several years. I'll get to teach Stacy to make my famous chicken salad and Stacy is teaching me to make cupcakes and truffles. I'll get to converse with Stephen and Danny, two of the smartest and most interesting people I've met in my life. I'll get to listen to Heather make intermittent, nonsensical and totally random comments on the subject of the moment and get pointers from her on the best activities to decrease post-surgical pain, promote healing, and make plans for everything that we'll be doing when we get back to town and I'm fully recovered from the events of next week. I'll get to listent to Rhonda extol me on the virtues of positive psychiatric health and following the tao or the Buddhist way. In short, I get to spend four fun days with five people I love and admire and respect. I've needed this for quite some time. I deserve it.
My plan is to take hold the moment my first foot connects with the floor of Stacy's jeep Thursday morning. I'm going to forget about Shreveport and money and the B-wood and responsibility and school and schedules and to-do lists and my family and dependent people and worrying about this and concerning myself with that and whether or not I'll be able to make ends meet and all the other aspects of my normal life that makes reality so incredibly, dauntingly real. Redemption can wait until I'm ready to address it again.
Today is Tuesday, the 14th of June, 2011. We leave Thursday morning for the Gulf of Mexico.
In less than one week, I'll be face down on a table having multiple pain-inducing herniations repaired.
I'm reading these posts backwards, since this is my first "real" visit to your blog spot. So I've just finished the one you wrote this afternoon. And yes, I managed to get a Buddhist comment into my reply. (see your remark above) lol If I talk about that subject too much, you can all tell me to back it off a little. I'm just as content with an internal conversation on the subject. :) I don't believe I knew you'd had spinal meningitis! My goodness! I know that you're bringing several amazing books to the beach, and I would never interfere with your reading (because you truly do deserve this trip and the most relaxing 4 days imaginable), but I hope we get some good conversations in there as well. :) Danny and Stephen really are smart, aren't they? I'm constantly in awe. Without going off on my "we're all one with the universe - stardust all of us" rant, I believe our little group of special people has a purpose. A significant one. :)
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