Tuesdays are always the best nights of the week. I always leave the meeting of my home group feeling especially content and right with the world. It's like I've suddenly had a reminder of everything that is most important, the things that are less important to worry about today, and those things that I can probably put off until next week. Tonight was more meaningful than many others because I got to be a part of the celebration of Sarah E.'s three years of sobriety. In many ways, Sarah is one of the greatest people I've ever known. To be in her life is to watch a person walk with purpose in the grace of God's will and see true humility in practice. It was amazing to listen to the loads of accolades heaped in her direction, and it was an honor to be someone to share with her what she means to me.
I still have far too many pages to read in an effort to complete Lamb before book club gets here on Sunday, but I do feel less hectic and rushed toward completion of everything else that I have on my to-do list. Talking with Brodie and then my mom reminded me that I have a tendency not to bite off more than I can chew, but to bite off a terribly abundant amount and then to allow myself to feel overwhelmed when I really only need to take one thing at a time, one step at a time and to remember to stop and smell the roses.
I think that part of my feelings of having too much going on stem from a combination of two things. First, I've yet to receive my final pay from that place that dare not have its name spoken, and it's been nearly three weeks since my last shift. Several phone calls and text messages have yielded no results either, and I'm more than tempted to take the advice and suggestions of nearly every single person in my life and to report them to the state, which I was entitled to do some time ago. It's not so much about the money (although Matt, my new boss, asked his mom to advise me today, and she looked shocked: "if it were me, it'd sure as shit be about the money - that's YOUR money, you earned it) as it is about the principle; however, everyone in my life all have the same opinion: what'd you expect from people like that?
The other thing that I'm finding somewhat bothersome is that I have not been taking a decent amount of time every morning to do those things that I find so important. Of course, I'm still reading the morning meditation from the 24 Hours a Day book, and I continue to read "on awakening" as well, but I'm not having nearly the necessary time to really read a bit more, to pause, to reflect, and to really meditate on what I've read. I realized today that I've been addressing this new job the same way that I did the last one. I've been hurrying to get in the shower to hurry to get out the door to hurry to show up early, and Matt made it perfectly clear today that that is something totally unnecessary.
My plan is to allow myself to sleep until 6:00 and to get up and have an actually leisurely morning getting ready, and to enjoy the moment, to enjoy the day, to enjoy the journey. I'm glad to have a journey. And I'm glad to have been asked to The Big, Gay Prom at the end of the month, to actually have been invited by someone that I really like and can't wait to keep getting to know.
I'm also glad to have my family and my friends, to have the people in my life that I never want to leave it.
And I'm grateful for sobriety.
And Mary Louise.
I guess it's about time to make another gratitude list, but that gets so many people who I know read my blog up in arms about where they fall on it and why.
I'll maybe make one tomorrow.
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