I can always tell when I'm in a really good place. Emotionally. Physically. Spiritually. Psychologically. I can tell because I find it just a little harder than usual to wind down, to find a stopping point for the day, a place in my work when I finally say, "Okay, it's time to go wash my face and brush my teeth and get ready for bed. You don't have to go right to sleep, but you at least need to get somewhere between the sheets or you'll not get any sleep tonight."
I'm in a great place. In fact, I can't remember the last time I felt like I was really going long and strong and at the fullest speed possible, the last time I felt a certain sense of ease and fulfillment during every waking hour. I attribute it all to this fantastic new job that I've gotten, this place where I know I'll never stop moving, never stop learning, and always have incentive to succeed. For the first time in my entire professional life, I really feel as if I'm a member of a team whose sum is only equal to the strength of each and every valuable member of its parts.
At the close of operations today, despite the fact that I felt intermittently flustered and overwhelmed, I once again realized that my reactions have been far less substantial than in the past. I don't necessarily mean outwardly, and I definitely ought to use a better word than "reaction" to describe the inner sense of stress and imbalance that I've felt in the past when expectation outsourced exertion and I allowed myself to feel a combination of guilt, uncertainty, and inner failure. Now, I just see things for what they are. I'm learning that I can't do it all at once, and that's okay. I'm seeing that it can't all be done today, but that doesn't mean that I haven't accomplished a great amount. And I finally know that one of my greatest assets is the fact that I am a flawed man, capable of mistakes only to utilize them as tools toward a greater measure of future success. I'm calmer than normal, more aware and self-actualized than I may ever have been in the past. It's as if I'm constantly cognizant of everything I am and need to be at any given time, and most of the time, I'm just myself, just a regular guy who just so happens to be quite capable of greatness on a daily basis.
In the morning, I'll once again be rising at what is becoming my standard time: 0400 hours; however, instead of spending the morning downing coffee and playing games on Facebook while I wait for it to fully kick in, I'll be joining the doctors at my practice for some early morning cardio at the gym they hit every morning of the week. At first, I was uncertain as to whether or not I ought to accept the invitation. After all, I really feel that I learned a very valuable lesson in mixing any sort of professionalism with a personal life, but this feels different. More... well, professional. It's been quite a while (not since meeting Rhonda and Stephen and Stacy [and becoming close to each of them in that very order] and embarking on what I'm sure will be a lifelong friendship with each of them) since I was invited to be a part of something that wasn't based on what I could give but rather what I can bring.
Finally, after 86 days of on-again/off-again physical stimulus in an effort to really begin that final phase of this pursuit of redemption, I'll really have the opportunity to spend the final fifteen twenty-fours in this period working to meet that all-powerful body goal I've set for myself.
Frankly, I can't think of any better way to rise and shine than with a cup of coffee and a few laps up and down an indoor pool. This should be fun, and my guess is that it will be a phenomenal start to the middle day in the week.
It's all really coming together. Patience. Persistance. Pride. And Perseverence. They're the P's that have always worked in the past. No reason they might possibly fail me now. I would be the only obstacle.
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