I'm not totally certain that I have my day count correct. Is today really day 79, or is today actually day 77 or 78? Or is it actually day 80 or 82? Not certain. I lost motivation to keep everything johnny-on-the-spot and accurate at some point this summer, and I'm okay with that. One of the features of personal redemption is realizing that you can't be 100% perfect 100% of the time, and that's totally fine. Recognizing my assets and remaining cognizant of my liabilities is one of those things that I learned I must do long, long ago - it's only recently that I've really begun to practice that principle in all of my affairs...not consistently, but as often as I can when I realize that I'm really only stressing myself out and there's no great reason to do so.
Thus far, the summer has been a tremendous growing experience, and I find August arriving and the heat settling into its most oppressive state at a wonderfully transitive period that I really never saw coming. I've lost so many battles along the way to today that I think I forgot how to be happy...and how to accept life's biggest gifts without question or uncertainty. I guess that's what comes with self-awareness: just learning to enjoy the moment. The spotlight and the accolades are hard for me to accept and/or bask in because I'm incredibly hard on myself at any given time. For now, though, I'm just letting things be where they are, and I'm loving every minute of every day (despite the exterior conditions which have become anything other than pleasant). When you're rocking and rolling, it can be a little difficult to let the trees block your view of the forest. That's a good thing.
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