Day 16 of 101

Tired. Watching Paul Schrader's 1980's version of Cat People. Partly because I've never seen it before, partly because today's the last day it will be streaming on Netflix for my viewing pleasure. So far, not bad. I'd be interested in knowing whether or not this particular film is regarded as having anything like a cult following.

I'm feeling a bit nervous for a variety of reasons. Although the beach is only fifteen days from today, the reality of what is going to occur only four days later is swiftly settling into my psyche. I'm a pragmatic guy, and I've weighed the pros and the cons of having this surgery. I only know for certain that I have to do something because the idea of continuing in my present state of constant pain is unfathomable. However, I really can't help but to worry about everything else that goes along with worrying about a surgery: the risks of anesthesia, the possible complications of any surgery, the 50/50 chance that this will either work or not work, the financial difficulties that could likely accompany being out of work for anywhere from two weeks to one month.

The last thing I can really afford right now is missing two full paychecks. It's times like these that I wish I had some rich and anonymous benefactor who would just suddenly unload a large sum of funds into my credit union account with the caveat that I use the money wisely and simply to get myself from point A to point B without so much as a pinch. Unfortunately, such things only happen in the novels of Charles Dickens or Jackie Collins, rarely in real life, and never in my life. Still, it's a nice, bright and very cool idea if not really a possibility.

The one thing that keeps me driven and in pursuit of the fact that the end will justify the means is the amount of overtime I'll be able to pull in for the second half of the summer and the amount of running and working out I'll finally be able to accomplish and the writing I'll be able to get completed in one sitting and the fact that I won't constantly be switching positions every ten to twenty minutes or having to stand up for an entire eight hour shift because to sit down hurts too terribly to endure.

Fifteen days till pleasure. Nineteen days till relief.