The many days, strung together and completely overwhelming, that I've had to "get through" rather than "enjoy" are now complete. We sent my grandmother off with dual services - both indoors and graveside - today, and now everyone in my family has the opportunity to be at peace with the difficult time we've experienced. Mimi was a special lady, and I can honestly write that I have nothing other than happy, positive memories to carry with me for the rest of the time I've got.
Besides the memories, I took away some other knowledge from the events of the past several days, today especially. I know that when the time arrives, I prefer that the things that people do to celebrate my life are planned by my AA people. It's not that I wouldn't want my family to have the responsibility, I just believe that the men and women with whom I'm recovering know me tremendously better and will pay more reverence. I'm not sure that families make the best decisions in times of stress and sorrow. Besides, I think that memorials and funerals are much more for the people who are left behind than the one being remembered. I'd prefer to be remembered. Accurately.
Now that the myriad obligations I've upheld are coming to a conclusion with me serving on a panel for a festival film tomorrow night, I have a long list of things that I've been in desperate need to attend to, but have continually put off until tomorrow. Again and again.
I got my ironing done early tonight, and I have a second load in the wash. I still have to balance my checkbook tonight, but the only other thing I plan to do (besides finishing "Children of the Corn") is make a list of all these things so that I can be sure to not leave anything important off.
Being a grown-up is hard work sometimes.
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