15 September 2009

The Rain in Shreveport Falls Mainly on Miles

"....sitting on a cornflake, waiting for the van to come. Corporation tee shirt, stupid bloody Tuesday. Man, you been a naughty boy, you let your face grow long...." -- The Beatles

I had John Lennon repeating multiple times yesterday afternoon as I travelled between the house and campus for the three hour event known as Microbiology. I have submitting a blog as number 23 on my list of 25 things that I simply must do 15-18 September as I haven't posted in about a week (I haven't written the PCV in Malawi in over a month...that's number 14).

Awake. Alert and orientedX4. I just finished covering Chapter Four from my Human Anatomy book, "Human Development" and I figured I could take a quick break before I conquer the final chapter prior to this afternoon's exam: "Chapter 5: The Integumentary System."

I'm feeling great. I began the slow process towards physical fitness rewards on Saturday evening, beginning to develop an exercise regimen that works for me and gets my blood circulating. So far, I've resubmitted myself to the calesthenic Gods every evening since. Most of the actions I'm taking were less stress last night, and I managed to get my heart pumping thrillingly within the first three minutes. The routine I'm employing is based on the warm-up work out I remember from Caddo Middle Magnet: stretching for two minutes, jumping jacks, lunges, windmills, toe touches, sit-ups, push-ups, and a small amount of strength training with Mom's dumbbells. Tonight, I'm planning to add another set that runs through a second time, to increase my activity time. If the weather permits, I'd like to add a brisk, mile walk afterwards. I'm gearing up for the Susan G. Komen deal on Saturday morning.

After Thursday's expensive trip to the grocery store, I've been planning and eating meals derived straight from the Food Guide Pyramid outlined in my Nutrition text. It's nice to have so many assignments and so much required reading for the course. It's better than a gym membership. Since it's a required class for my major, I'm constantly reminded of everything I really should be doing. I'm planning to post some of the answers to the questions I've submitted in hopes of having a clear train of thought outlined here in my blog.

Still haven't picked the quit date for the Marlboro's. In fact, it seems like I'm smoking more than ever (want one right now, as a matter of fact), and I'm wondering if that's a sign that I'm really getting ready to give them up for good. I don't understand why nicotine is such a rough chemical...especially after the longer, more intense list of chemicals I put in my back pocket in July of 2005. They've been snugly tucked in for so long, I feel like they must've fallen out, but I don't know where I dropped them. That's gotta be a good sign...losing the compulsion, then forgetting to obsess... wasn't that my goal?

I was talking to my friend Beverly online earlier. She's pregnant and it's a girl and she was running some names past me. She's set on "Sadie Marie," a name that I really love. We went through some other choices, the names I would pick for my son or daughter, and I told her that maybe that was why gay men are not allowed to procreate. Because we'd name the kids after pop divas from the past fifty years, the names of colors unfamiliar to the hetero vocabulary like Taupe and Mauve and Mint, and soap opera vixens from the seventies and eighties like Krystle, Valene, Abby, Alexis, Margot, Angelique, or Fallon.

That got me thinking about something... Oak Haven. Yes, the book I started and put down and started and put down. I'm not really even sure if I still have any of the old notebooks. Well, I'm sure they're there, just don't know where (I made a rhyme. Now give me a dime.). The story is a labor of love for me, and I'm sure that even if I can't find the old work, I still have the characters and the story and the ideas buried permanently in my psyche.

When I think about the novel-in-progress, I start thinking about "the rules." It's a scene I picture as a kind of Ferris Bueller aside if the story were made into a movie... a scene where one of the very savvy characters turns to the audience, pauses the action on screen except for his or herself, and then explains that there are several important rules that one must have some knowledge of in order to comprehend their live in a melodrama (a la Randy from the Scream movies).

Rule Number One: You must never trust anyone. No matter how well you think you know them, they almost definitely have some deep, dark secret that they will likely do anything to protect. If you discover it, you must hope that your relationship will persevere over their need to silence you. It could be your boyfriend, your wife, your best friend, or your grandmother... everybody has something to hide.

Rule Number Two: If you find out you're pregnant, you must avoid the stairs at all cost. If you live in a two-story house, it would probably be best for you to set up camp on the ground floor. If you come in contact with a staircase for any reason, you will be at the bottom of them by the time the final frame freezes and fades to black. It's possible you will die, but it's more likely that you'll be fine, but your baby will not make it to the next season.

Rule Number Three: If you're an addict or an alcoholic and you're currently sober, chances are you won't be for long. The temptations will arise and you'll do well for a while, but eventually you're going to be led astray for one reason or another. Be prepared. When the relapse comes, it will come with a vengeance and you will do all kinds of terrible things that are totally atypical to your character. It's likely that you will lose everything and everyone, become homeless, eventually take to prostitution and theft... but no worries. You'll eventually clean yourself up again with the help of some dramatic, life-changing scene. Everyone will forgive you, and you'll begin working to redeem yourself. This is because you are most likely one of the core characters.

Rule Number Four: Very few couples are stable. However, if you are the one stable couple out of all your associations, the relationship will be the one that will be tested more than any other. There will be devils that will tempt both you and your partner. You will be faced with endless problems that cause arguments and doubt. You will be fearful and nervous that there's no reason to go on, but you'll make it. At least once in November (sweeps) and February (sweeps), something major will happen and everyone will wonder if your relationship will last. It will. The only major scares will be at or around the season finale/season premier when contracts are negotiated and one of you could possibly die... which brings us to the fifth and final rule.

Rule Number Five: Never. I repeat: NEVER!...under any circumstances...for any reason at all... no matter what.... should you EVER believe that someone you know is REALLY dead. That goes for friend, partner, family member, long-lost son, and most especially... your nemesis. It doesn't matter if you've seen them stabbed, shot, hung, fall off a cliff, fall out of a plane, get blown up, burn to death, have their head cut off, drown, or flatline on a hospital bed with leprocy... they will be back. You must always be extremely suspicious if a body is never recovered, but even if you saw the person slowly picked apart by birds in a million tiny pieces and the birds all fly away in various directions, the person is probably not really dead. If the body is hideously maimed, though, don't expect them to return in any form that you remember. They will most likely return, not look anything like themselves, and very likely have a score to settle with one or more other people in your life. If the person they've come back for is you, leave town and permanently cease contact with any and all people you are connected to. If you don't, you're about to have a very interesting and very scary life.

Okay, enough silliness. I have to get back to work now.

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