Lindsey and that damn list

Summers in Yakima — much like everything else in the Pacific Northwest — are nothing like down south.

Of course, it took the arrival of the warmer months to get me to a place where I was more comfortable being out and about a little more. But I'm constantly seeing all these little things that are so much different from the barometrically heavy months I enjoyed (and bitched about) for 37 years.

Seeing all the differences and experiencing these long periods of nostalgia, constantly comparing and contrasting and finding everything I liked better about Louisiana has only gotten me so far.

And it reminded me of something a very good friend of mine told me about how she ended up getting married.

I interviewed Lindsey Higgins — née Feritta — last summer when I was doing a story on dating apps. She was one of the long-term success stories I spoke with in the course of my research and she said some things that really stuck with me.

Namely, "get rid of the list, Miles."

Lindsey explained that it wasn't until she finally got rid of the list she had in her head of what the perfect man and the perfect relationship looked like that she found her universe opened up to other possibilities.

And for Lindsey, ultimately, true love.

I've been doing the same thing with Yakima, keeping a list in my head of everything it should be. But when I got rid of my list for the city I live in, it's had me starting to think about that other list I've got in my head - the list that's probably kept me far too single and far too selective for entirely too long.

I thought about all the cliches I'm always offering people, the dumb opinions that came from somewhere at some point and have absolutely no basis in fact.

The perfect guy for me is a total top. 

He's got to be hot and masculine as hell and know how to change a tire. 

I don't believe in versatility - it's a total scam.

Just how long have I been telling myself these things and saying these things and believing these things? And are any of them really even true?

Makes me think about how many fun and interesting and sexy and intelligent and entirely worthy guys I've just let fall by the wayside instead of giving them the time of day.

So, of course, this post comes after I attended a party over the weekend and was approached by a guy who initiated a great conversation and really intrigued me and led me to slapping my number down on a table beside him in the hopes that he'd call at some point and maybe ask me out.

And then I went home, found his profile on Grindr and read that his sexual position doesn't exactly make him compatible for that list I have in my head.

And I was disappointed.

And then I was angry.

Totally unfair, man. I mean, here's this dude who is a little younger than I'd prefer and a little bottom-ier than I've always told myself I'd prefer, but does any of that shit really need to matter? Aren't there about 100 other qualities that make much more difference than this image — probably totally manifested from prolonged exposure to pornography — I've built up in my head and tell myself I absolutely must adhere to?

I mean, those notions have gotten me this far, and I'd like to believe I'm right at that place in my life where I'm sort of open to the idea of something more long-term and substantial.

Maybe I need to really get rid of that list and just see what happens.

I mean, it couldn't hurt.