A Promise

"Sun is shining, the weather is sweet. Make you want to move your dancin' feet, yeah..."

-Bob Marley

October is here, the best time of the year. I have the windows all open to the max. I have been thinking about my poor, very neglected blog for several days now. I'm hoping that by adding a link to my bookmark bar (a feature provided by Google Chrome, the new searcher that I'm using and really digging), I might remember to journal more on a daily basis. There was a period of time when I was actually updating this baby on a fairly regular basis, but I have sorely neglected my adherence to this task, about as much as I've been neglecting daily meditation and meeting attendance. Still sober. Still clean. But I do a lot less of all the things that got me here, and the worst part is that I don't feel an ounce of guilt or remorse. I feel as if I'm doing everything that I possibly can and still putting my best foot forward, trying to live the best life I possibly can and trying my best to hurt no one in the process.

Because I am so hyperextended in everything I do in life, I hope to start using my blog as more of an outlet. More of a journaling space. More of a jumping off point for anything and everything that I think and do and feel. I'm pretty sure that no one is out there reading this these days, but maybe I'll say something impressive and meaningful and realize through my writing something that I wouldn't otherwise without some degree of reflective consideration.

It's not like I don't already have a ton of everything else I really should be doing right now. I'm behind in my reading for every class. I have assignments that are due by eleven o'clock tonight, some of which I've not yet begun. I have notes to recopy and key words to highlight. I have pathophysiology cards that I have vowed to complete one of each and every day. I have the SGA blog and the SNA blog and their respective Facebook pages, everything requiring, needing, deserving updates. I have situps that I could be performing and pushups that are growing more and more necessary. I have discussion boards that are needed on Blackboard. I have hours and hours of Tivo that need to be watched and deleted. I've not yet seen an episode of this season's Grey's Anatomy or The Middle or Modern Family, but I did make my time for Desperate Housewives last Sunday, and I'm strongly considering taking up painting as a secondary, regular means of creative effort to escape from the day-in, day-out pending to-do's and must completes. I just need to grab a couple of new canvasses and get to work.

Although I'm in love, I'm pretty sure that my relationship is hanging on by little more than thread, and I'm not all-together certain that it's the healthiest relationship to be in besides. I received my clinical packet from Northwestern yesterday, and I definitely have a ton to get moving on to be sure that the information is included and submitted and ready to roll by the October 11 deadline. I suppose I should be more excited about it. I am excited. I've worked hard for it. I've sacrificed parties and Saturdays and trips and other fun things in favor of reading and studying and learning everything I can to do the very best I can. I'm just not jumping for joy yet because the information I include in my return of the completed packet will decide which way I may go. Not whether or not I'll get in, but what degree of probationary measures the Louisiana State Board of Nursing may choose to implement as they accept me into the next phase of my education. I really don't want to put up with any kind of extensive probation. It just seems like yet another thing that I have to add to my list of all the other stuff that I have to do and have to pay for; however, I suppose I should be more grateful for having the opportunity of probation at all. There are others, close friends, who weren't even allowed into this aspect like I am. Things can always be worse.

I have a grocery run to make, but I think I'm about to write out all the discussion questions due tonight for Addiction Studies and Social Problems and Technical Composition so that I can come home and write and submit and get moving on other assignments and notes and get caught up. Maybe ahead.