But today was a good day. I didn't walk around and enjoy every moment on that pink, cloud 9 personal high, but I did enjoy every moment I recognized as one to savor. What's more, I realize that I have nothing to complain about, nothing to fear. Tonight's meeting was on the topic of the promises. Like last night, I heard things that I'm sure have probably been shared in the past, but I've never actually taken in nor turned attention toward.
After the meeting, I made a new friend and found my hand reaching out to somebody in a way that I don't think I would have any time before. There's a pleasant feeling in seeing another man who is in a place that I was in the night Jenny came to me and struck up a conversation and asked me to be her friend, the first night I think I ever really felt any form of acceptance in all the years I've been coming to meetings. Ariej wanted to fellowship, and I was never more grateful for the opportunity to recognize a kindred spiritual need to be a part of something that's just a little more, just to the other side of the steps beyond that brief fellowship/smoking session that I have after every other meeting.
Jennifer mentioned having everyone over this weekend: cooking, watching movies, and being together. I mentioned that I've been all over the idea of a game night for some time, and I was beyond excited that she jumped at that avenue.
Later, I took Ariej and our new friend, Cody, to their respective homes and drove home to text Ryan for the second of what I'm hoping will be a regular and consistent conversational getting-to-know-one-another experience. The chat was the best possible way I can think of having ended an otherwise regular day. I feel such an amazing and unexpected camaraderie and kinship with the guy - and at just the right time. For all my thoughts of low self-worth and feelings of inadequacy, it's an acutely exceptional experience to just sit back and listen to someone else tell me about himself, to have the ability to listen for our similarities, and to know that -no matter what- I will likely no longer ever be short of friends or someone who gets me and the way that I think.
My fears of creative insecurity are on the verge of alleviation, and that is such an uplifting and comforting idea. I now know that this significant period of detachment from my creative processes are merely stepping blocks on my transition into a world of give-and-take, of making time not only for what I absolutely have to do but also for the things that I really want to do.
I'll have to remember to mention my own thoughts and ideas on quarter-life crises and what it means to me to be a member of our own forgotten generation.
Life is good. Sleep is ready to set in. I don't think I'll even pick up my novel to read tonight. I'll just allow rest to take over and allow myself time to give thanks and appreciation... so that I can get up and do it all over again starting early in the morning. I'm feeling so great that I may even wake up to a post-meditative work-out before I get ready for my final four hours of the work week.
For once, there was no need to be wary of the ides of March. There are no longer any Bruti (my pluralization of "Brutus") to avoid. The only person capable of stabbing me in the back today is myself, and I no longer have the desire.
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